Mary Melka
What It was Like
The silent scream that was stuck inside had to be heard. I had to see what it looked like. End the silence. It's my experience of feeling separate, not a part of and continuing the journey no matter how painful it got, knowing I could find safety outside of myself with God. Art and painting have always been a healing force in my life. I started painting as a teenager, a long time before I the flashbacks started. Then all through the process of remembering and reliving the horror of being abused as a child, it has been there for me. When I was overwhelmed with fear, anxiety and depression I could draw or paint and it helped me to understand what was happening or just to cope and to get away for a time. I was painting what I didn’t have the words for - the painful secret world inside that needed to see the light of day.
Dissociation
I wanted to document what it was like to disassociate and the price I paid - To leave my body and go into a blank space, to float up to the safe place. Art and painting have always been a healing force in my life. I started painting as a teenager, a long time before the flashbacks started. Then all through the process of remembering and reliving the horror of being abused as a child, it has been there for me. When I was overwhelmed with fear, anxiety and depression I could draw or paint and it helped me to understand what was happening or just to cope and to get away for a time. I was painting what I didn’t have the words for - the painful secret world inside that needed to see the light of day.
What’s to Come
I used an old black and white photo fo me as a reference. At the time of the photo I had no memory of the abuse. The flashbacks started a year and a half later.
HOpe Bursts
God's grace always shines through the storm if I look for it.