G

I always wanted to tell her,
to tell her what you did—
how you groomed me from my childhood,
but I thought of all your kids.

I thought of how you stole my youth,
and robbed me at my core.
Yet you get away with none of the work,
while it’s me who mops the floor.

Shattered pieces all around,
from the ways you broke me down—
convincing me I owed you this
when she was out of town.

I know they look at me,
and think it’s all my fault.
But little do they know,
it started with your assault.

You stole a part of me,
and it ended with a scream.
But nothing is too broken
for Jesus to redeem.

So while I avoid you,
and while I heal,
I pray for my enemy,
and for truth to be made real.

Jesus

The voice of grace is truth; It speaks so clear.
Grace and truth through Jesus Christ appear.

Jesus makes the darkened voices flee,
Like light that scatters roaches in their spree.

The voices fill my soul with bitter shame;
The fruit I watch decays, it rots in vain.

I know the voice of one who casts me down.
I’ve heard it long; Its weight has made me drown.

But in this bond, he has no rightful place,
For I am Yours, a daughter full of grace.

A princess of the King, I stand and claim,
To root myself in truth and praise His name.

You died for me upon the cross so high,
And poured out love that no one can deny.

In You, I found a life that’s new and free,
For You have given sweet rebirth to me. 

Your mercy flows like rivers, calm and free,
Pouring Your grace, so that I can be me.

You gently took me safely 'neath Your wing.
I owe You all the thanks and praise I bring.

Self Sabotage

Invisible chains 
Scrambled eggs for brains
Three bottles of wine
stretching out dinner to pass the time 

Tarot cards on the plane
then you said your name
as if I should’ve known your fame …I must be insane 

as I reach for the phone
no— off with your head
I don’t need the money
I told Ava she’s dead 

I let you prey on me
Because I was so broken
Sick and looking for a fix
our deals often unspoken
to say it out loud 

would’ve made it too real
you knew when I’d call
just what was the deal 

you’d come to my place
and I’d let you in
no small talk to have
then the room would spin 

id let you touch me
however you’d like
bent over the bed
or up in a pike 

I’d choke down the bile
that would start to rise
as I felt your hands
creep between my thighs 

I’d close my eyes 
as silent tears fell 
in my sacred space 
I’d created a hell 

I didn’t stay long 
in that apartment on Howard 
barely six months 
before I felt devoured 

I kept it all in
and told not a soul 
until I met the Lord 
and He made me whole 

as my heart was transformed 
I had to confess 
all the dark of my past 
and the sins to address 

some was by choice 
and more was by force 
a childhood of trauma 
led me to this course 

but God uses the broken 
to repair and redeem 
to showcase His glory
that He is supreme 

He pulled me out 
right out of the pit 
but only in His time 
so that I could commit 

commit my life 
to the One who saves 
to pick up my cross 
for the rest of my days 

it’s not always easy
but His burden is light
so I trust in the One 
who makes all things right 

if you’re lost in darkness 
don’t give up hope 
He sees you in your struggle 
and will bring you the rope 

He is your Rescue
and there’s no greater love 
than that of our Savior 
so set your sights above 

just call on His name 
anytime that you fall
don’t walk away 
when the order feels tall 

trust in His plans 
He won’t lead you astray 
when you feel lost 
get down and pray

He changed my life 
and He’ll do it for you 
that’s why I say
I’m Ava made new 

Compulsive Behavior

“Crawl back to bed,”
“I don’t want to be alone.”
I know that you should go,
that I should send you home.

Some days it’s hard to fight
the urge to fill the void,
telling myself there were
never parts that I enjoyed.

The times you made me laugh,
the times you made me cry—
riding the waves of emotion,
a serotonin high.

I feel the pull to draw you in,
and drink you like a drug,
but instead, I bid you farewell
and avoid the goodbye hug.

Because when you touch me,
my body comes alive.
That feels true of any man—
of healthy love, I was deprived.

I searched so long for a man
to fill the hole in my heart,
only to learn he never could,
because You wrote it from the start.

Repetitive Patterns

I lost my temper,
clawed at the bit,
right below the belt,
I knew just where to hit.

Can we start again?
I’m sorry for my tone.
I’ve got a lot in my head,
and you couldn’t have known.

I’m a work in progress,
these hard edges softening,
the weight of this harshness,
patient and cautioning

From bondage to freedom,
the path that I walk—
only one place to stand,
on the Most High Rock.

Your grace in my brokenness,
I bow at Your Truth,
and know these are wounds
carried from my youth.

While that may explain,
it doesn’t excuse.
When I’m in the Spirit,
you’ll see the fruit.

These wounds turn to wisdom
through His love that heals,
hands open in prayer,
to see what He reveals.